


When the Mountains Crumble to the Sea

by seraphwrites (flightoftheseraph)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexual Character, Asexual Supernatural Mini Bang, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, FTM Castiel, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Grey-Asexual Dean Winchester, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Past Relationship(s), Questioning Dean Winchester, Roommates, Supportive Dean Winchester, Trans Castiel (Supernatural), Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 12:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14694162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightoftheseraph/pseuds/seraphwrites
Summary: Dean never realized that his apartment burning down would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. But after going on a road trip after losing his home, he accidentally finds exactly what he's been looking for all along.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my story for the Asexual Mini Bang 2018, mostly questioning Dean and pure fluff with Trans Cas as well ♥
> 
>  **Disclaimer**. I wrote much of this based similar personal experiences/feelings with asexuality and gender, obviously, my experiences are not going to be the same for everyone else's
> 
> Also huge thank you to **LoverAntiquities** and **spacematriarchy** , for beta'ing this for me, and thank you to my awesome artist, **my_untold_lies** their art post is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692194)
> 
> The title is taken from **Thank You** by Led Zeppelin.

 

 _If the sun refused to shine_  
I would still be loving you  
When mountains crumble to the sea  
There will still be you and me

_**Thank You** , Led Zeppelin_

 

_March 2017._

Dean never realized that his apartment burning down would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him.

His first apartment had burned down, and after the landlord had bailed on covering the damages, it had been a lengthy legal battle to escape that lease. After it was over, Dean was not only out of patience but also out of money.

Now all he had was his car and all his charred belongings which he took with him across the country. He hadn’t lost everything, which he was thankful for.

Dean was now living out of his car, which was less than ideal, but he was also bouncing from place to place, trying to find feasible housing, but fate apparently wouldn’t allow it.

Dean drove through Kansas. He’d lived in a small town outside of Lawrence, big enough that he could leave without much of an issue, but small enough that his absence would be noticed. He didn't really miss anyone there, but the familiarity was a loss, just like the house was.

He and Sam had moved around when they were younger, bouncing from relative to relative after both their parents passed suddenly. Dean didn't recall much of them but the constant change made him too anxious to stay in one place. But still, even with that, he dreamed of stability.

When he and Sam had parted ways. Sam had grown old enough and gone off to college and Dean hadn’t wanted to weigh him down and they hadn’t spoken much after that.

There was the problem with constantly moving around. Money, of course, was always an issue but thanks to his ability to properly scam people too drunk to know any better at bars, it became less and less of a problem.

Was he particularly proud of his actions? _Not really_. The guilt didn't last long and it wasn't like he was actually robbing people for a bad reason. It was for his own survival.

Still, after awhile of hustling and some petty theft, Dean had enough of _"life on the road"_ as he called it. It was nice, after staying in the same town and not really doing much for so long, but he did dream of stability someday.

What Dean didn’t expect was that dream of stability to be promptly dropped into his lap on a completely random chance.

On long nights when he lay among his belonging - praying that the store owner of this gas station didn't notice him sleeping in his car in the parking lot - he thought a lot about where he wanted to go. After the cheap gas station food and mountains of burgers, he came to regret not so much later. He just considered - what did he want?

Of course, there were there were certain things he’d regretted most about being on the road. He'd had his fair share of hookups he wasn't proud of. He was smart enough to be safe with it, obviously, but he realized that, as he said to goodbye, whether it be in a crappy motel he could barely afford or in the back of his car, it left him feeling regretful that that’s all it would be.

Regret seemed like the wrong word. It felt more like a sense of bittersweet that left him empty and wanting more. Dean didn't want to ignore that part of him that ached for more, mostly because he knew he couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to find it. He just had to accept that and move on.

Dean figured out he was bisexual, now he was twenty-six and the more he thought about it the more the identity seemed to fit better.

He wasn't really that scared of it, but somehow it felt like a monumental thing to really think about. It felt comfortable to identify with, but at the same time, it felt like it was scary territory he didn't know how to explore. It wasn't like he was brought up to explore this sort of thing, anyway.

A small part of him wanted to bury it deep, deep down, so far that it couldn't be seen. But as much as he did, it always came back. It wasn't like he couldn't admit he enjoyed his one night stands with women as much as he did with men.

 _ **Shut up** , stop thinking about it_, But it never seemed to work, the thoughts always seem to come drifting back in no matter how much he pushes them aside.

He knew he wanted to, but he was still frightened by it all the same.

Dean sighed and stared out of the window at the bright neon from the burger joint. He figured he should go inside at some point - even though it was open 24 hours, he was bound to get noticed and get kicked out (as that had happened _enough_ already.) He mooches off their wifi instead, crossing his fingers no one will notice that he's here.

He's not sure what makes him settle here, but for some reason, he decides he needs a break. He's been travelling for a week without rest, and somehow he needs to not sleep in the back seat of the Impala, or some grungy motel.

He sighed as he looked out the driver's side window. He could at least stop here and collect his thoughts. Sleep now, hope he didn't get caught and then find a less shitty place to stay in the morning.

 

Dean groaned as he awoke. Mornings were the _worst_. He wasn't old but the bench seat did a number on his back, and he wasn't short, either. It was definitely the worst part of this.

He groaned as he sat up, tangled in a blanket he'd stolen from some crappy motel he'd forgotten the name of.

It was in the mornings that he thought of the last time he'd showered - three days ago, in some other crappy motel, the name of which also escapes him.

He gets up out of the car and stretches. His head is dizzy from not bothering to eat dinner and he definitely needs to find a better place to sleep before his back turns completely into a pretzel from sleeping in the back of the car.

Dean leans on the edge of the hood. How long has it been since he’d left Lawrence? Two weeks? Maybe just a little longer. Somehow it feels longer, and he also has no idea where he is now. The names of towns became a blur as he enjoyed being on the road.

Dean goes into the restaurant. He needs something greasy, and then it's checking where he is and then finding a comfortable place to sleep and to collect his thoughts. It was less daunting when he could list his tasks for the day like that, and he could ignore the fact that he had no fucking idea what in the hell he was doing or where to go next.

 

* * *

 

In retrospect, Dean is glad he stops where he does. He's not sure he believes in greater things, but somehow he thinks it was destined. As cheesy as it sounds.

He's back in the car, burger now successfully acquired. After the horrified look from the lovely waitress (who Dean tried his best smile sweetly at), he couldn't look good after sleeping. Dean quickly checks the mirror and almost jumps back in shock. He definitely needs to shave, he looks haggard and he honestly doesn't blame the waitress for her reaction.

Once he's settled and he notes that razors are something he definitely needs to pick up, he begins to look for listings. He finds he's in a relatively small college town, so there should be people around his age.

But he's hesitant, seeing a website for LGBT friendly places. Even though he's not typically or traditionally "out" yet, something in him can't help but browse through the listings on this site. He looked through listings - it was April so a lot of students would be moving out around this time of year. He did see a couple possibilities he wasn't against, and didn't have much of a preference.

He browsed until he until he saw a particular listing, which he got more excited about as he read.

_** **Looking for Male Roommate** ** _

_ My name is Castiel, I live near the centre of town and I'm looking for a male roommate, no animals (I'm allergic). I have furniture if needed, but I am desperate as I won't be able to make rent, as my current roommate has moved out after some difficulties. _

Dean tilted his head, looking as he scrolled the pictures on his phone. It was certainly something, and most rooms were empty (not that he was beyond sleeping on the floor), but he quickly noted the number and sent a text off as he finished looking.

Dean stared at the remnants of his burger, and he was shocked when his phone buzzed from an unknown number.

_Hi, this is Castiel, you can come by now if you want._

Dean quickly stares at his phone - and he quickly devoured the rest of his burger, before he pulled up the address on his phone and drove out of the parking lot.

* * *

 

Castiel sends another text with the address. Dean was relieved. He quickly inhaled his burger and tried to shove most of his garbage and belongings under the seat as he pulled up to the small apartment.

Dean brushed the crumbs off his shirt and grabbed his phone. Hoping he at least looked presentable, he had brought a razor and shaved in a nearby gas station bathroom. Which is was a not a thrilling experience in the slightest - thankfully he'd had managed to not cut himself. But now he least looked less like he'd been lost in the wilderness.

Dean pulled into the parking lot - in the front was a small apartment building. Castiel’s apartment was on the first floor and Dean the room without too much trouble. For some reason, he was nervous, the burger settled uncomfortably in his stomach.

Dean waited patiently outside the apartment door. Castiel had said to meet him here at 10:00 am exactly. Dean was leaning against the door frame when the door suddenly opened. Dean jumped back, startled, and blinked in surprise as a someone poked their head out.

Dean held back his gasp because _holy crap this guy was adorable_. He had the brightest eyes, and a soft looking dark hair, he tilted his head at Dean quizzically. Dean couldn't hold back how much he wanted to stare at this man.

Dean was _definitely_ staring and he watched as the man stepped all the way out. Dean composed himself and held his own hand. The guy took it questioningly and lightly shook it.

"Are you Cas?" Dean cursed as his mouth caught up with his brain - realized he’d not introduced himself.

Castiel blinked and swept his hair out of eyes, but it seemed to make it much messier anyways. Dean admired him and tried his best to not stare. He was _too_ cute.

"Yes, of course. Come in," he said brightly, his face relaxed.

Dean beamed, trying his best to hide his staring. He walked in and the place was warm and cozy. There wasn't much clutter, but he did admire the various things Castiel had on the walls, some art that caught Dean's eye as he walked into the living area, which branched off into small kitchen and dining room. There were two bedrooms, in the first was actual bed with a mattress and a small bedside table with a dresser.

He realized that Castiel had been speaking with him and he hadn't been listening at all.

Castiel was staring at him, curious. He blinked and Dean was frozen under his stare. He cleared his throat.

"Were you not listening?" Castiel asked. Dean nodded sheepishly but he quickly tried to defend himself.

"Sorry, I haven't slept well. I’m… um… sleeping in my car… that's kind of why I need to stay here," Dean admitted. "My apartment burned down, I've been looked for work, and I started looking for a place to stay."

"It's okay," Castiel said with a small grin.

Castiel blinked. He adjusted the sweater he was wearing, and when he did, Dean saw a tattoo peak from right near his hip.

“My old roommate, Balthazar, left suddenly he had to move back home and now I’m struggling with the rent. “He did leave most of his furniture here thankfully so you don’t have worry about bringing your own things,” Castiel said brightly.

 _ **Gosh** Dean stop ogling_ , he thought, and he tore his eyes away, his heart fluttering nervously.

Castiel stared at Dean up and down, and he didn't seem mad. In fact, somehow his expression softened and his eyes grew kinder and warmer. He was sure the guy was taking pity on him, but he couldn't admit that he didn't mind.

"Well, you were the first person to respond to my listing and I admit you seem nice," Castiel said honestly.

"I have enough money for rent this month. I'm going to try to find a job nearby, but I've been travelling for awhile so I'm sorry if that's a problem,” Dean said, wincing at his nervousness and stuttering.

Castiel tilted his head and stared. "Well, if you wanted to move in as soon as possible, it would really be great."

"Of course, I'd love to," Dean said, immediately regretting his word choice, _gosh you're a crushing idiot_ , he thought, but he was overjoyed to have somewhere to stay other than his smelly car.

 

* * *

 

 

He moved in that day. Castiel was a huge help although Dean was extremely embarrassed at the disaster his car is. His Baby was in worse shape than he initially thought, and he felt guilty.

Castiel didn't seem to mind and he didn't judge or say anything if anything he seemed happy to help move Dean's slightly charred belongings. Dean welcomes the help gladly.

Dean carried his lone duffel bag and the other bag with his everything else, it was all he needed and as much as he didn't want to be forward, he really needed a freaking shower.

Dean scratched the back of his head and waiting in the doorway as Castiel placed the rest of his belongings in the nearly empty room.

"Can I shower really quick?" Dean said. Castiel nodded.

He barely remembered the shower, or how he got into bed. Dean didn't even care, it was relatively clean and not in the back of his car.

Once the warm shower water hit his skin he practically fell asleep standing up. It was heavenly compared to any motel he'd been to. He climbed in the bed in the bedroom, _**his** bedroom_ , he corrected.

Dean fell asleep almost immediately as his head hit the pillow, happy to for once be sleeping curled in the backseat of his car.


	2. Chapter 2

_April 2017_

The work does help to keep his mind off the crushing on his roommate. Similar to his travelling on the road, the days begin to blend into one another, until Dean notices something very distinct.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s falling for Castiel until it’s almost too late. He does notice that his new roommate is somewhat distant and he can’t blame him after all he did just roll up out of nowhere. Dean pushes his feelings aside.

He’s not sure why or how. He only sees Castiel in the mornings before they go to work and occasionally in the kitchen. Sometimes they run into the each other in the bathroom.

He can't help but believe that something is different. He's falling for this guy he barely knows and he literally just met.

But _something_ feels different.

Dean has made his fair share of poor decisions on the road, and even before then. Brief relationships he tries not to forget.

But Castiel warmed his heart, something much more meaningful. He was _attractive_ , but somehow Dean was happy to just _be with him_.He worried that he was being too clingy and coming on too fast. This was supposed to be a temporary thing - he was supposed to get enough money to find his own place.

So he shoves the feelings down further. These feelings are confusing and he fights against them.

After first couple weeks, he and Castiel become more comfortable with each other. The silences become less awkward, and Dean doesn't feel as much like a freak drifter that just appeared on his doorstep. Even better, Castiel seems friendly, if a bit distant.

_Formal_ Dean corrects himself. Castiel was extremely polite and sweet. The days passed in a blur. Dean gets lost in getting busy - such a stark contrast to his little life on the road. He found a night job nearby, which was a surprise, but he was great at bullshitting. The work is tough but it keeps him distracted, which is definitely what he needs. Dean quieted the part of himself that was saddened by that. He was here to earn money and leave soon after, and that was that. Right? But where _did_ he want to go? He had nowhere to go, and it frightened him, somehow, to be so lost and out in the open.

After about a month, Castiel bumps into Dean in the kitchen and Dean tries to ignore the blushing on the other man's cheeks as he goes to start the coffee maker. He's already exhausted, work is not exciting in the least and each day he just comes home and collapses in his room. Coffee is a freaking life saver.

"Dean I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie tonight?", Castiel asks suddenly, Dean almost spills coffee over all the counter but quickly hides his excitement.

"Ugh yeah sure!", Dean curses himself for how excited he sounds.

"Great", Castiel says with a smile. Dean almost melts and he mentally reminds Cas is just his roommate and he's just being nice.

Castiel actually fills his heart with a genuine feeling of happiness and he doesn't know how to describe it. He's never felt it before and of course, he's too nervous to act on it.

He gets to work and it passes quicker then, the whole time as he's stacking and stocking shelves he's mind is on Cas and what movie he decides their going to watch that night. He wanders so much he ends up at their apartment without no memory of the entire day.

Castiel is waiting for him on the couch as he walks in and he gives Dean the same wave. Dean returns the wave sheepishly.

Dean dashes to the bathroom and changes quickly from his work outfit into something more comfortable and sit on the other side of the couch. Castiel grabs a blanket from his room and drapes it over both of them and Dean feels his entire face turn bright red. Luckily it's late and with only the light from the television.

'I apologize, Dean, I wasn't able to get the movie I wanted to watch," Castiel says with a huff, "I did find a nature documentary.

Dean nods, not usually into documentaries himself but Cas's voice is so full of interest he can't help but feel excited himself.

Dean watches the documentary, it does capture his attention but he can't help but flicker his eyes at Castiel in the dark.

_Gosh, he's so pretty_ , Dean thinks. He's shockingly happy just watching a movie in the dark. Even the silence with nothing the sound from the documentary fades in the background as Dean thinks how serene this is.

Castiel turns to him and Dean immediately feels his heart jump somewhere near his chest, he quickly averts his eyes to the TV. Dean’s glad they’re watching in the dark so Castiel cannot his face turn bright red.

After the documentary finish Dean quickly excuses him, thanking Castiel for inviting him, he doesn't catch what the other man says as he quickly dashes into his room.

With a huff Dean quickly grabs his phone and pulls the blanket, hoping he didn't offend his roommate by immediately. The feelings he’s been trying to hide bubbling back to the surface as he stares at the ceiling in the dark of his room.

_It's wasn’t date he thinks to himself_ , Dean says, _you’re being stupid_. _We just watched a movie that was it._

He's experienced lust before, sexual attraction to everyone he's hooked up with but with Castiel the feeling is absent; instead, something entirely new and mysterious takes its place. But it’s a warm and pleasing feeling

_It's frightening_ , Dean thinks as he falls down the Google rabbit hole. It starts with " _I like a guy but not sexual_ " Dean winces at how blunt that sounds, it leads him down the page about romantic vs sexual attraction.

Dean quickly hits the back button and then he stumbles upon page talking about asexuality. Dean hesitatingly clicks on it and reads it, as he scrolls down the page he feels his heart begin to pick up. He clicks on a page about different types of asexuality.

Soon he's doing quizzes and so many terms he's only heard briefly before flash before his eyes, the definition a tangled mess in his tired brain. _Grey-asexual, demisexual, biromantic,_ it all passes in a blur and Dean closes a million tabs he's opened in his phone’s browser - feeling entirely overwhelmed.

There’s a soft knock on the door. Dean hastily closes the page and practically throws his phone to the other side of the bed when he hears a knock at his door.

"Can I come in Dean?", Castiel asks through the door.

"Ugh sure," Dean said, his heart still hammering in his chest.

Castiel opens the door and turns on the light. He's wearing a simple grey t-shirt and yellow short covered in cartoon bees. Dean

Castiel clears his throat. "I was just going to say, I know I have been rather silent since you moved in but I really enjoyed tonight.", Dean nods.

"Did you want to do it again sometime?" Cas says Dean, swallowed nervously,

"Ugh, sure?' Dean says as he tries to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice.

Castiel nods and shines Dean with that glorious smile. His eyes of soft in the fluorescent light of Dean's room.

"Goodnight Dean", Castiel adds softly, and Dean quickly searches for his phone and sits in the dark. The moonlight reflects off the moon next to him and he can't help but grin to himself.

Dean falls asleep and sleeps better than he has in ages.

 

* * *

 

 

_May 2017_

The weeks pass and before Dean can really notice he's watching more documentaries with Castiel. He enjoys it more this time and Castiel slowly nudges closer to him on the couch. Dean smiles, feeling more content than he has in ages.

That first one movie night starts a snowball effect. Cas begins to open up to him, he still doesn't talk that much but Dean quickly learns his roommate is a man of few words anyway. It's Castiel's glances of wonder and his soulful stare that really make him who is. Even his rare smiles that make Dean's heart beat rapidly.

Still, even though Cas doesn't speak much - when he does - it's impactful, he thinks and chooses his words carefully and once they too begin speaking about a certain topic it's easy to carry the conversation. Dean finds he's more comfortable talking to Cas that he's been to _anyone_ in years.

He talks to him about anything and everything. Dean finally learns that about Castiel's own job, a clerk at a gas station outside of town. Cas went to school to study journalism but took a break for think about things for a little while. He moved after away from his dorm to the quieter side of town.

Dean opens up as well, he talks about Sam, even though he can't recall the last time he and his brother talked. He talks about his little road trip (leaving out the sexual escapades _of course_ ) and the fire and what landed him here.

They watch more movies more documentaries and eventually they go out to an actual movie together. Dean can't stop smiling the entire night, he barely recalls what he just watched.

Dean’s sitting outside on the patio outside, Dean drinks a beer and watches the cars drive by on a nearby road. He lets his mind drift back to that quiz he took ages ago. He hasn't thought about it much since but anytime he's alone he can't help but have his mind drift towards it.

_Are we dating?_ _Were they just friends?_ Somehow this felt different but Dean felt just content to spend with Cas. He knew he was bisexual, but Castiel had never mentioned his sexuality and Dean certainly wasn’t going to ask.

The back door opens and Cas steps out. His hair has grown longer than it usually it and as much as he knows Castiel dislikes it Dean finds it suits him somehow.

"Hey", Castiel says as he takes a seat next to Dean.

'Hey", He grabs a beer from the 6 pack near his feet - Castiel takes it curiously and stares at it questioningly. Dean raises an eyebrow, now that he thinks about it he's not certain he's ever seen drink.

Castiel twists off the cap and takes a sip and makes a sour face. Dean chuckles.

"You don't have to drink it, " Dean says, still laughing. Cas smiles.

"I wanted to try it at least," Castiel confesses.

Dean smiles, "It's not for everyone," Dean says taking another sip, Castiel nods, still holding the cold beer between his hands. He fidgets nervously and clears his throat, Dean takes his eyes from the night sky and the stars and turns towards his roommate.

"Dean are we dating?", Dean nearly does a spit take from that only but he swallows before he spews beer all over the grass. He's still coughing and Cas is glancing worryingly at him.

"Dean are you okay?",

Dean holds a thumbs up as he finally clears his throat, he tries to find the words to Cas' question.

"I...mean I..ugh," Dean's brain feels like it's going to short circuit. He's worried Cat will take his hesitation as a sign of no and before he can the words come tumbling out.

"I mean really I..want to.. if you want to be". _Very smooth_ , Dean thinks to himself.

Cas shines that soft smile again and Dean can't take his eyes away from him.

"I'd like to be as well.", Castiel says. _His boyfriend_ Dean mentally corrects himself. now corrects.

"Awesome," Dean says with a smile. He's staring at Cas but he doesn't look happy as Dean expects.

"What's wrong?"

Cas still holds the beer in his hands, he's nervously peeling at the label so much that's almost falling off the beer, which he has also drunk none of.

"I have something to share with you, I feel if we are officially dating you should know."

Dean blinks and then raises his eyebrows, he leans forward turns his chair towards Cas. He's never seen him so anxious.

"Well, I am.." Cas blinks nervously and looks away.

"What? Cas you can tell me." Dean says he’s instantly worried.

Cas just stares directly at Dean. "I'm trans and I'm also asexual as well," Cas says, he’s he's practically shaking like a leaf.

Dean stares wild-eyed, he’s not sure how to react. He’s not but he's not sure how to react either. He's going to put his foot in his mouth or offend him somehow. He blinks choosing his words carefully, but he foolishly says.

"Okay," Dean says simply and Cas looks like he's going to burst into tears, Dean can see his eyes shining with tears.

"I don't care," Dean says, and he soon realizes how that sounds, he’s quick to correct himself.

"What I mean I don't care Cas I like _you_ for you, I'm honoured you told me really. I support you." Dean says and reaches for his boyfriend's hand. He's certainly still shocked, already mentally noting himself to research more about how he can be as supportive as possible. He has questions but he doesn't want to put more pressure on Cas'. There is one thing that springs to his mind though

"I've sort of been struggling with that as well." Dean says, "I mean I've had sexual relationships but they never felt _right_ and I sort didn't know what to do.", Dean clears his throat.

"I don't know what I'm saying, but I've researched asexuality and I think I might fall under that label or whatever I don’t know...maybe I am still thinking about it.", Dean adds. Castiel nods, still looking shaken from, Dean reaches for his hand and Cas takes it

Dean clears his throat again and takes another sip of his beer. “ Cas I support you, trust me, no matter what. I want you to know that. This doesn’t change a thing.” Dean quickly thinks of his words, hoping they came out right and judging by Cas’ brilliant smile and the tears bubbling at the edges of his eyes he did.

Dean stares in the quiet night, holding Cas’ hand, feeling more content then he’s ever felt.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the next few weeks, Dean slowly learns more, he doesn't press even though he's concerned and he wants to know. Cas' opens up more about his transition. He came out to his family and they hadn’t been helpful, in fact, they had been hostile.

As a result. Cas moved out and went to school to figure out what he wanted to do. Luckily he was able to work to afford it. Dean clenches his fist, imaging Cas' family being unsupportive. Dean knows how some people can be (he's faced _his_ fair share) he's still stunned how they could reject someone as sweet as Cas.

At first, Dean is scared to ask questions, but Cas insists and welcomes Dean's curiosity. Dean hesitantly asks questions at first but Cas' welcomes them happily.

Dean does more research, now asexuality and his own feelings swarm in his head. It's all confusing but he's eager to learn more and more.

Cas' explains more and more, he wears a binder under his clothes and he's been debating on getting on testosterone too. Cas' says he's thought about surgery but not much.

The terms swarm in his head and he constantly does his own research as well so he can be as supportive as possible.

Every time they eat dinner they talk about gender issues, asexuality in general. Dean is happy he can be open about his feelings without feeling like being judged just as he supports Castiel as much as possible. Cas is an excellent listener.

They can just talk, Castiel talks about his tattoos, he got them once he moved out (as his family had forbidden that as well). The one on his neck is a bright blue hummingbird and the one on his neck.

The weeks blend together again and Dean is lost in the flurry of being busy, but he and Castiel try their best to actually spend time with one another whenever they're able to.

Cuddling on the couch, Dean knows Cas' is one for physical affection, but they make slow steps. Holding hands comes later and Dean closes his eyes and relaxes enjoying this moment in time.

His past sexual relationships were so empty, fast and devoid of any real meaning but now with Cas, Dean feels like he's truly happy.


	3. Chapter 3

_ August 2017 _

Dean stared nervously at his watch. How many times had he checked the time? Dean assured himself,  _ stop being a nervous wreck, he'll be here.  _

Dean shuffled nervously, covered in sweat, his clothes practically fusing to him. He pulled at his shirt and relished in the cooling sweat, even though it still felt gross. He  adjusted the two bisexual and on his shoulder, which definitely didn't help his current overheating issue, but damned if he was taking it off. 

He checked his watch again, the current time reading 1:30 pm. Castiel said he would meet Dean at one in the afternoon,  _ exactly _ . It was unlike Castiel to not adhere to a schedule. Dean thought about texting him.

He was halfway through composing a text, wiping his brow madly and squinting to see with the glare of the sunlight. Suddenly, someone bumped into him and he jumped and turned around, almost dropping his phone. He was ready to curse at the stranger who bumped him when he realized it was Castiel.

And if Dean hadn’t been shaky before, he was now, because Castiel was breathtaking  \-  as cliche as that sounded. Perhaps it was the sun? Was he suffering from heat exhaustion? 

Castiel was dressed in a white shirt and bright blue shorts - which brought out his eyes more, Dean realized  \-   and two flags that they had both bought together.

"You look really…  _ nice _ ," Dean said. Castiel stared at him, confused, and boy, were his eyes prettier in the sun, the lightest blue he'd ever seen. Dean just stared, realizing Castiel was, in fact, asking him a question that he was certainly not answering. 

Okay,  _ maybe _ he was suffering from a little bit of heat exhaustion. 

Castiel blinked, his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Are you okay, Dean? Perhaps you should sit?" 

Dean nodded numbly. He’d shown up super early because he hadn't wanted to miss Castiel, and it had taken everything in him to convince his boyfriend to show up at all. Dean was going to be certain he was here on time. 

Dean drank the water Castiel handed him and he dumped the other half on his head, the world coming back into focus a little bit more. He blinked and shook his head. 

"I'm good, I swear," Dean assured him. Castiel hovered over him, still - he didn’t look convinced at all.  

Dean stood up and swayed, leaning on Castiel for support slightly. He cursed as he stumbled, but he was definitely better than before. Both the water and Castiel’s presence helped a lot.  It was rare Castiel felt comfortable enough went out to public events like this. 

Dean glanced at his boyfriend, Castiel’s hair was a typical mess, but even more, unruly today, and Dean resisted the urge to fix it with his hands. Castiel’s eyes glowed in the bright sunlight and Dean couldn't hold back his smile of comfort as he clasped a firm hand on his boyfriend's shoulder.

He still felt a little shaky, but not as bad, now. He tossed the water bottle into the garbage near the entrance to the park and grabbed Castiel's hand.    
  
"Ready?" 

Castiel didn’t look convinced. Dean smiled, as he pulled Castiel closer, tying the flags around his shoulder. He stared into his boyfriend’s nervous eyes. “It’ll be okay, trust me. Am I ever wrong?”

“Frequently,” Castiel said, straight-faced. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Point taken, but I’m right about this and I know it.”, Castiel beamed from the compliment. “Thank you, Dean,” Castiel says beaming from the compliment.    
Dean knew Castiel had two battles to deal with, here, and it was definitely harder for him based on his family. But Dean knew he would get there, and if Dean could, Castiel  _ definitely _ could.    
  
Dean held Cas' hand, clammy in his own, though whether that was from the intense heat or nerves he wasn’t certain. They milled about, and even though Dean wanted to rush to look at every booth, Castiel was more reserved, and Dean let him guide them both.   
  
Castiel finally approached the first booth like it might actually bite him, but as they slowed, he combed through everything and collected what seemed like several million pins, buttons, and bags. Dean was smiling ear to ear staring at the goodies he'd gotten and feeling a sense of warmth from how warm and accepting everyone was.   
  
They now sat in the grass, Dean's earlier moment of heat exhaustion and walking for most of the day had worn him out completely. Castiel was attaching all the buttons he'd gotten to the front of his shirt with a look of such intense concentration Dean chuckled.   
  
"So, it didn't suck?" Dean said playfully, now laying down on the grass.    
  
Cas smiled, one of his rare smile and Dean couldn't stop staring at him, his heart going wild because he was so damn pretty when he smiled.   
  
"No, it was very relaxing. I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for bringing me, Dean."   
  
Dean smiled in return. His stomach growled suddenly, and he realized that with the exception of a couple bottles of water, he hadn't really eaten anything.   
  
Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Should we go somewhere to eat?"   
  
"Yes, I'm starved!" Dean said, and he rolled over in the grass. His jeans were covered in stains, now, and he frowned.    
  
Castiel got up and grabbed his bag, and held out his hand to help Dean up. Dean took it graciously and stumbled to his feet. The dizziness from earlier had returned and he was shaky again.   
  
They made their way to the closest restaurant - which happened, thankfully, to be a burger joint - and Dean could cry he was so happy when they went through the front door, and the smell was downright heavenly, and Dean tried his best to not actual drool in public.

Castiel orders their food for them, and once the pizza is set on the table Dean is already ravenously eating, he slows once he realizes and blushes but Cas is chuckling to himself and Dean smiles sheepishly. He chugs the cold water and feels the dizziness in his head lessen. 

The day is wonderful and as he and Castiel walk back to their apartment, hand in hand. Dean cannot stop grinning as they walk into the warm summer night.


	4. Chapter 4

 

_ November 2017 _   
  
Dean walked into the cafe, he was exhausted. He'd bounced around several jobs for months now. Castiel's hours had gotten more intense and they hadn't been able to see much of one another.    
  
Their relationship was good, or at least Dean thought it was. The stress of both their jobs had begun to push them apart. Dean noticed it and he was certain Castiel was as well.    
  
On top of that Dean was learning more about asexuality, from Castiel but also online searches as well. They watched more documentaries and more movies as well. It was the only things that prevented Dean from exploding from stress. Even though they watched movies in silence, _ it was the happiest Dean had ever been. _ _   
_   
But Dean was going restless though, he felt like he and Castiel were growing close and it was happening so  _ fast _ . It felt like he was tumbling down a hill, he didn't know what to do. Dean had no experience in an actual relationship.    
  
A small part of his brain knew that he loved Castiel but he didn't know how to say it to him. He didn't know what to do.    
  
Now, for the first time in months, Dean had gotten a day off that lined up with Castiel's.    
  
Dean glanced at his phone there was a message from Castiel, luckily it was warm and sunny. The sunshine was relaxing and Dean actually felt joyed to just meet up with Cas and not have to worry about work.    
  
He quickly texts Castiel back as he opened the glass door the coffee shop. He looked around the inside, noticing Cas nestled in a table in the corner.    
  
Dean ordered a black coffee for himself and a smoothie for Castiel and carried them to the table.    
  
Castiel stares grumpily but his expression softened once he saw the smoothie.    
  
"Thank you," Castiel says, Dean sits and looks at the paper covering the table.    
  
Dean raised an eyebrow before he remembered. Castiel was trying to change the gender on his ID and his last name as well. The first for obvious reasons and the second to distance himself from his awful and terrible family.    
  
Castiel glared at the papers and then he looked at Dean. "I finally have time to get this done and it will take a couple weeks for it to go through."    
  
Dean nodded as he took a sip of his coffee, it was bitter but the caffeine was helpful. "Right, well I'm glad you can finally get it done."   
  
Castiel nodded, "Yes it's satisfying to finally be able to sort through this. I don't recall the last time I even had a had a day off."   
  
Dean nodded. "Yeah well, I'm happy for you." Dean reached his hand over the table and Castiel took it gladly.    
  
Castiel blushed, taking his hand back and he looked away out at the window.    
  
"Dean...I have a big question to ask you.", Dean paused mid-sip the coffee burned his tongue and he swallowed quickly.    
  
"Um...what is it?", Dean said, he wasn't sure what he was going to say and his heart was already beating a mile a minute. The lightheadedness made him dizzy but he took a deep breath - expecting the absolute worst.    
  
__ He's going to break up with me, or move out or worse The negative thoughts filled his head before he could stop them.   
  
"I know this seems really sudden...I know we've only been dating less than only a year.", Castiel starts.   
  
Dean's eyes widened, waiting for his nightmare to come true, he cleared his thoughts, urging Castiel to continue.    
  
"I was wondering if I could take your last name," Castiel said quietly, his voice shakes slightly and Dean blinks, not believing what's the hearing.    
  
Dean swallowed nervously and he just stared, the words dying on his tongue.   
  
"Do you mean you want to marry me?", Dean said    
  
"Yes Dean," Castiel says.   
  
Dean feels like he's going to throw-up, the coffee certainly isn't helping. He certainly didn't expect this but he quickly thought he did want to marry Castiel. Half of him was spiralling in a downward spiral and the other half wanted to chuckle at Cas' very clumsy attempt at a proposal.   
  
Castiel is still staring at him, the mill of the coffee shop in the backroom helps to fill the slightly awkward silence.    
  
Cas' face frowns sadly, his bright blue eyes filled with such a profound sadness at Dean's hesitation. Dean quickly recovers.   
  
Castiel looks like he's going to cry, "Dean I'm sorry if my request was too forward-"   
  
"Yes", Dean said.   
  
"What?"   
  
Dean smiles at his boyfriend - now fiancee - he says, "Yes I'll marry you."   
  
Cas' blinks in surprise and he visibly relaxed, his smiles sweetly again and Dean's heart warms.   
  



	5. Chapter 5

_March 2018_

They had decided to get married at the end of March, in the meantime, Cas' gets his new ID in the mail. Even though it still carries his last name and the negative associations that it carries he's happy to have the gender change. Dean can feel his boyfriend is practically beaming and Dean shares in the joy as well.

Dean twisted the material of his suit nervously. He hated to crumple and wrinkle it, but at the same time, he was going to start to hyperventilate if he _didn't_ fidget, and he was now pacing in his work boots He and Cas hadn't even had time to get proper footwear, and Dean certainly didn't have a pair of dress shoes handy. It looked ridiculous but it would have to do for now.

But now the day was finally here and Deane was petrified s, not that he might be making a mistake, but he couldn't help but think that Cas _was_. Did Cas even really like him, or love him for that matter?

 _Of course, he does you, idiot. He wouldn't put up with you if he didn't._ Dean thinks to himself.

He was the one to offer anyways, he had told him he loved him in that restaurant, and somehow Dean didn't believe it.

Dean adjusted his suit in the mirror. It wasn't like they really had to rush, but Castiel had struggled with these papers for weeks and he just felt it made sense. They didn't need a ceremony or anything, and it wasn't like either of them had any family to invite. They could celebrate afterwards, with friends, so it made sense to do it as quickly as possible to get the legal nightmare over and done with.

Dean just glanced at himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved in awhile and was looking very "lumberjackish" as Cas always said. He glared at his reflection, and couldn't comprehend that in less than 3 hours he was actually going to be married to another person. It was downright terrifying.

Cas peeked his head into the bathroom. "Dean do you know where my blue tie is?" He looked in the mirror then back at Dean, his face squinted and he narrowed his eyes. "You should shave."

Dean nodded nervously. "Right, right." Dean looked behind him and checked behind the door grabbing Castiel's tie and handing it to him.

"Thanks," Castiel said, as he threw the tie over his shoulder.

Cas left, and Dean couldn't even focus on how he looked in an actual suit because _holy crow_ , he was certain that with that, on top of the nerves, he was going to cut himself about a thousand times shaving.

Dean shaved in what he was certain was the shakiest his hands had ever been, and he only managed to nick himself 5 times, which was impressive. He did agree with Cas that it made him look a little more put together, maybe even a little bit neater, too.

Dean messed with his hair a bit and straightened his own tie ( _green_ , as Cas had picked it out. Dean thought it was a little cheesy to match their eye colours but Cas had insisted.)

He just couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't know what he was doing, that this was a mistake. Their whole relationship seemed like a fantasy, and Dean felt Cas was making a mistake, and that he was not really worthy of Cas at all.

Castiel was too sweet and he was the complete opposite. Cas was kind-hearted and shy, and he was loud and obnoxious. Even though the past few months had been the best he'd ever had, he just felt like it could crumble at any moment.

He was sure he loved Cas, but he wasn't sure how, exactly. Was it romantically? it certainly wasn't sexually, obviously. He just _did_ and he didn't know how to put in into words.

Dean huffed, he'd been just staring at the mirror while he was supposed to be getting ready. Cas had picked the only date he would get off work for some time (as he even worked the weekends) and they wanted to celebrate with their friends before it began to get too cold.

Dean's head swam. He didn't want to _not_ do this, but he certainly just felt like Cas would be let down by him, somehow. He was pulled from his thoughts by Cas calling to him from the living room.

"Are you ready yet?" Cas looked at him, now with a tie. Cas tilted his head at Dean. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Dean said, and that didn't sound convincing at _all._

Cas’ expression softened. "No, you're not," he said simply. "What's wrong?"

'"I'm just - I want to marry you. I really do." Castiel raised his eyebrow at Dean's tone. “But I just don't know if you..."

"Are you asking me if I actually want to marry you?"

Dean averted his gaze to the floor.

"Dean I was the one who _asked you_. I love you, Dean. I said that."

"Love you, too," Dean replied nervously, almost on instinct.

"You're worthy of love, Dean Winchester. Please believe that, and it'll be fine. I know you think I'm wrong or lying, but I'm not," Cas said, and Dean was still shaking, thinking way back to that time when he was wrapped in a flag, shaking from standing in the sun too long. Had that been only a few months ago? It felt like years at this point.

Cas reached his hands out and wrapped them around Dean's. Dean's eyes widened, and he stared into his boyfriend's eyes.

"Dean, you're the most honest and caring person I know, and I am honoured to have the chance to marry you," Cas said, and Dean swallowed nervously. He was too tongue-tied and nervous to try talking, so he just nodded.

Cas released his hold on Dean’s left hand and laced his fingers through Dean's own on the right. "Are you ready to go?"

Dean nodded - he was ready, Cas loved him he loved Cas, and they were getting married.

He felt a wave of nausea and shut his eyes, willing his stomach to cooperate. He would do this. He had to.

Cas untangled their hands and grabbed the documents they needed, all neatly organized in a bright blue folder. He smiled, and Dean returned it.

Dean grabbed his keys and wallet, shoved them in the pocket of his dress pants, and closed the door, realizing that when he returned, he would be married, and he closed the door with a click.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean nervously clutched the steering wheel as he drove towards the courthouse. His brain was running a mile a minute and drove slowly and carefully, knowing he was trying to delay the inevitable.

Was he making a huge mistake? No, _of course_ , he wanted to marry Cas, it's just he felt like what? They were moving too fast, the small negative voice in his head that he wasn't good enough and or even worse that it was too good to be true.

Dean realized that he was staring out the windshield, where the sun reflected brightly off the dashboard. He was boiling and his heart was hammering in his chest.

Cas reached his hand over the place on top of Dean's own. His hands were clammy but Cas' hands were soft and Dean smiled This would be fine

Dean holds Cas' hands as they walk inside. Dean fiddles with his tie and the edge of his suit and hops from foot to foot. He swallowing. Cas looks wonderful in his suit, the bright blue silk of his tie matches his eyes perfectly.

Dean takes a deep breath as they wait in line behind other couples. He hardly notices anyone else - instead, he chooses to focus on clutching Cas' hand like a line and Cas squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Dean is unsure how much time has actually passed and he cannot wait out of this suit _holy christ_.

Dean steps in the courthouse - knowing that when he leaves he's actually going to be married. Not only it is hard to comprehend but somehow it seems like it's hard to believe.

The actual ceremony passes quickly and Dean is shaking like a Dean. Cas stares at him and steadies him by holding his hands tightly. Dean smiles again, his face is starting to hurt from smiling so damn much.

Considering how rushed the entire thing is, they don't have vows prepared but neither of them mind and watches as Cas say voice slipping a couple times.

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and says the same words, they nervously tumble out of his mouth and before he knows it he's saying the words he's been most nervous yet the words he's also been most happy over.

The rings they got were simple and first Cas places the ring on Dean's finger and Cas does the same.

"I do"

Cas smiles again and pulling Dean closer into a kiss.

"I do."

 

* * *

 

 

Dean drives away as to the nearest restaurant because after his near panic attack and being so nervous he's something grossly unhealthy.

He places the important papers in the backseat of the car and they both get out of the car.

The next few hours pass as Dean practically inhales several burgers, way too many fries and drinks enough cola to drown a small ship. Cas just watches with a small grin on his face as he slowly nibbles at his own food.

Somehow it feels more like a mirage, he's with the man he loves the most (Dean now corrects _husband_ ) it makes his stomach do flips as he starts to think about it more. But it's not the dreading heavy feeling but a joyful feeling he can't quite describe.

He starts to think about how insane this is a love he's never felt before he's not sure how or why but he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with the man he loves the most.

Dean reaches his hand over the table and Cas does the same, the contact they have is rare but when it happens it's even more special.

Dean grins, "I love you, Castiel _Winchester_." He wiggles his eyebrows playfully as he says the last time, which earns him a chuckle from Castiel who responds.

Castiel smiles brightly. "I love you too Dean Winchester.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading ♥ kudos and comments are appreciative and you can also visit my **[Tumblr](https://seraphwrites.tumblr.com/)**


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